Parent's stress

As parents, we want the best for our kids and we want our kids to grow up into responsible adults. The old style of upbringing kids used by our parents and grandparents can no longer be adopted by us as kids in this generation are smarter unlike in the olden days, kids were very obedient and dare not go against their parents’ orders. When our kids grow up into their teens, we should use any problem area as an opportunity to teach them the process of making good and wise decision instead of lecturing them over mistakes made. Lecturing them and controlling them will alienate them from parents and they will feel that their parents are suffocating them by overprotecting them. I must admit when my kids made mistakes, I scolded and lectured them at times. My husband is worst, he likes to nag non-stop


I came from a big family of ten siblings, seven boys and three girls (including me). My parents were poor and mom had to go out to work, washing clothes for people. She had no time to take care of us so we were left on our own most of the time when we were small. I used to tell my kids how lucky they are now compared to us when were small. Now they have television to watch, computers to play with, nice clothes to wear, etc. When we were small, our clothes were all ‘hand-me-downs’, school shoes were worn until they were torn but we will still be wearing them because mom did not have the money to buy us new shoes. Luckily we are one big happy family as all my brothers and sisters are very close to each other.


At times when I got frustrated over my kids’ behaviour, my mom will start telling me her stories of how she brought us all up without so much fuss, and I will then told her that last time we were very obedient. Then she told me that even tigers which are so fierce animals can be trained to do shows in circus. In other words we just need to have patience to guide and mould our kids into responsible adults.


When my kids were small, I always wished they will grow up faster. Suddenly with a blink of an eye, they are now in their teens! It suddenly dawned on me when my son started going out clubbing, started dating, started drinking, started coming home late in the night, etc. Gosh, it drove me nuts! That was a very trying time for me and my son as I just couldn’t accept the sudden change in him. It became a battleground for me and him (sorts of). I was worried he will mix with wrong company, he will pick up bad habits like smoking and drinking, I was worried about his safety, so much worries!! He kept telling me he needs some independence as he is big enough now to know what is good and what is bad. Despite his assurance that he will not indulge in all those bad habits, being a mother I still worry. Sometimes during our argument, I asked him why his friends’ parents can allow their kids to go out until the wee hours of the morning. I also asked him whether his friends’ parents care about them. He told me I am being overprotective. Maybe some parents are very open minded and they let their kids go out and explore and get as much exposure so that their kids will be more street wise. It makes me wonder whether I am a good mother and whether my upbringing is right or wrong.

So I learn to let go and relax and also to trust him. I just have to pray that my son will be safe and that he will not betray my trust that I have placed on him.