Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Stress and pressure of today's teens

I know you teens out there are as equally stressed with your parents' nagging, grumbling, lecturing over your daily activities and what’s nots. You will find that your parents do not really understand you and that as a teenager, you need time out to be with your friends, to do what you like to do and to hang out until the wee hours in the morning (which you consider very early) to chill. As parents, we do not understand why you have to spend so much time chilling out and we are worried that the police will arrest you guys found hanging out in a group so late at night as they might think you do not have a home and are up to no good.

Teenage years are meant to be enjoyable and exciting as you are growing up and beginning to see the world in a different light. You must know how to manage and juggle your time between your studies and play. I know for sure that my son will have a lot to blog about how stressful he is for having a protective mom in me. The other day he was saying he is also stressed out due to his dad’s constant nagging of him and I jokingly suggested to him to start a blog about how stressful a teenage life can be and he replied that he will do so if he has the time.

Teenagers go through a lot of stress as they grow up. Some common problems include trying to fit in, relationship problems, stress from school/college and worrying what they gonna do after school/college, etc. This is where parents play a very important role in our teens life by giving them space, guidance and love so that they won’t feel neglected and all alone. I know in this highly competitive society, many parents want their children to excel in everything they do, in their studies, their career and their life to the extend that their children are under a lot of stress and pressure so as not to disappoint their parents. Many parents ‘booked’ their kids for practically every tuition classes including music lessons, karate, etc that their kids are so overwhelmed with attending all these classes after school that they do not have time to enjoy their childhood years. I have seen my friends busying themselves day in and day out ferrying their kids to one tuition class after another.

Some teenagers who have inferior complex or who are reserved in nature may find themselves lonely as they have few friends because they do not like to mix around much. This can lead to teenage depression if the parents are too busy with their career and do not have time for them. Teenage suicide is not uncommon especially when they face problems and they have no one to turn to. Teenagers are still young in thoughts and they may find that life is meaningless as no one cares about them. They will feel that their friends neglect them and do not want to mix with them. They do not have anyone to share their problems with and therefore ending their lives is the only way out. For all problems, there will always be solutions, there will always be light at the end of the tunnel, therefore for teenage who suffers from depression, do reach out for help. You may find that after talking to your parents or someone, the problems you are facing are not that serious after all.

As parents, we have to be there always for our kids and to understand them and guide them through their growing years.

Please do leave your comments, if any.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Parent's stress

As parents, we want the best for our kids and we want our kids to grow up into responsible adults. The old style of upbringing kids used by our parents and grandparents can no longer be adopted by us as kids in this generation are smarter unlike in the olden days, kids were very obedient and dare not go against their parents’ orders. When our kids grow up into their teens, we should use any problem area as an opportunity to teach them the process of making good and wise decision instead of lecturing them over mistakes made. Lecturing them and controlling them will alienate them from parents and they will feel that their parents are suffocating them by overprotecting them. I must admit when my kids made mistakes, I scolded and lectured them at times. My husband is worst, he likes to nag non-stop


I came from a big family of ten siblings, seven boys and three girls (including me). My parents were poor and mom had to go out to work, washing clothes for people. She had no time to take care of us so we were left on our own most of the time when we were small. I used to tell my kids how lucky they are now compared to us when were small. Now they have television to watch, computers to play with, nice clothes to wear, etc. When we were small, our clothes were all ‘hand-me-downs’, school shoes were worn until they were torn but we will still be wearing them because mom did not have the money to buy us new shoes. Luckily we are one big happy family as all my brothers and sisters are very close to each other.


At times when I got frustrated over my kids’ behaviour, my mom will start telling me her stories of how she brought us all up without so much fuss, and I will then told her that last time we were very obedient. Then she told me that even tigers which are so fierce animals can be trained to do shows in circus. In other words we just need to have patience to guide and mould our kids into responsible adults.


When my kids were small, I always wished they will grow up faster. Suddenly with a blink of an eye, they are now in their teens! It suddenly dawned on me when my son started going out clubbing, started dating, started drinking, started coming home late in the night, etc. Gosh, it drove me nuts! That was a very trying time for me and my son as I just couldn’t accept the sudden change in him. It became a battleground for me and him (sorts of). I was worried he will mix with wrong company, he will pick up bad habits like smoking and drinking, I was worried about his safety, so much worries!! He kept telling me he needs some independence as he is big enough now to know what is good and what is bad. Despite his assurance that he will not indulge in all those bad habits, being a mother I still worry. Sometimes during our argument, I asked him why his friends’ parents can allow their kids to go out until the wee hours of the morning. I also asked him whether his friends’ parents care about them. He told me I am being overprotective. Maybe some parents are very open minded and they let their kids go out and explore and get as much exposure so that their kids will be more street wise. It makes me wonder whether I am a good mother and whether my upbringing is right or wrong.

So I learn to let go and relax and also to trust him. I just have to pray that my son will be safe and that he will not betray my trust that I have placed on him.